FIVE SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE PTSD - OR DO YOU KNOW A DARKNESS MONSTER?
I've slayed demons of all forms. Literally. However, this has been a post three decades in the writing.
Trauma and PTSD is on a sliding scale. Not all cases are the same. The following is a brief summary relating to my 25 years of treating, counselling and supporting people with trauma. Not all are human beings, not all are monsters. Please see a registered medical practitioner if any of this resonates hard with you. Medication, life choices, health, family, finances and ultimately the condition of your soul might depend on it.
Strap in folks.
I could list twenty five but let's keep it loose. For some of you, this is going to be a bumpy ride.
1. Declarative Misstatements
2. Emotional Instability
3. Age Regression
4. Fight & Flighting
5. Self-defeating behaviours
OR SIMPLY: You suffered abuse, trauma, emotional damage or heartbreak in your youth or as an adult through the same and relationship breakdown. It is cumulative.
CONSEQUENCES WHEN UNTREATED: You are unable to love your partner. You’ll also pass on your trauma to your kids. Unless you find one partner who will live as your emotional punchbag, often eventually leading to their sickness and demise, you will have strings of broken relationships. You will think that your partner is a bully when all along they’re your victim (victimisation complex). You will have cortisol hypersensitivity so literally everything stresses you out. You will surround yourself with false gods, affirmations, crystals and snake oils.
Your life filled with Disorganised Thinking is so prevalent, so fundamental, that clinicians will refer to it simply as DT in the research.
You consistently make bad decisions and bad choices. You constantly fail at things and hate being consistently criticised for it. You are probably super high functioning. You are supremely intelligent and run a vast and complex operation. You are pushy and controlling in your views, and so convincing people will never tell you’re both incorrect and faking it. Beyond sweeping generalisations, the worst of you cannot list five actual things your loving partner did for you on any given day. In fact, that partner will pour love and kindness into your vessel not realising you cannot feel or register accumulative love - your jar will be empty by rhe time of your morning psychotic episode.
You will run information silos with carefully crafted victim mentality narratives running throughout. You have silent and quiet breakdowns... all the time. You break boundaries - metaphysical, emotional and legal. In particular, if you are a women traumatised by a brutal father when interviewed you will avoid saying anything other than he was sweet and lovely until you have fully been counselled. Your memories are false because the hippocampus isn’t working correctly. Nostalgia and returning memories are a sign of healing. Trauma events are greyed out like white noise.
Your drink and drug appetites are based on brain biochemistry and trauma, and the cycles will combine with psychological problems and behavioural instability. Alternatively, you avoid substances at all costs knowing how destabilising it can be. Your pain centre is affected which means for some women, your monthly periods are nightmarish; if you have sickle cell or other illnesses, you will have pain shutdowns and a debilitated life. You will war with everyone from neighbours, to school teachers to local authorities. You will have anger and rage issues. The friends that know you’re not right, you will avoid; instead you will have pity parties. Your social media posts regularly garner pity through narratives of your victimhood - as the monster and unbeknownst to your followers. You will overheat, have hot sweats and other homeostatic misfires and probably think its early onset menopause. Even if you’re 19 years old. Clinicians won’t fully dot-to-dot the hypothalamus and PTSD limbic for years to come. Just as for PTSD, the heart, mind and soul.
APPROXIMATELY 38% of women (in particular) with dissociative disorder resulting from trauma (being locked in their headspace) will lose their minds and get dementia. Having lived life as a monster.
It's heartbreaking. Believe me. See a clinical diagnostician. Get help. Some of my cases were referred back to their GP because the undiagnosed and underlying PTSD pre condition was missed. And it matters.
All trauma results from the impact of Darkness. Darkness plots and plans, yet God is the best of all planners; so say the Scriptures. Darkness afflicts the mind, so say the ancients.
A guide helps your understanding of Light and Dark, what caused your trauma and then the hardest task of all: being directed to look in the mirror. To face your darknesses directly. And then the program of healing and coming back into the Light. To become a human being once again, as we were created. Before the Darkness hurt us.
And God is the best of teachers, healers and unto Him all good, love and healing belongs. Make sure you invoke correctly... if you don't, perhaps you're the darkness lightening rod in your life.
Think. Heal.
And love.
M
#mentalhealth #ptsd #trauma #light #darkness #love #magic
First published 5 March 2023: Medium